


Mending the Broken Pieces

by Lonelyfairy



Category: X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Charles, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 21:25:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1873032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonelyfairy/pseuds/Lonelyfairy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They changed the future, they saved their own kind and it sounded like victory. But it also means Charles has to deal with losing his legs, losing his control over his power, and losing the man who means the most to him all over again. </p>
<p>We all know what happened when Jean Grey lost her control, but what happened when Charles Xavier lost it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mending the Broken Pieces

“Please, Erik. Charles, he needs you.” Raven pleaded.

Erik hasn’t seen her since that day in DC, and he wasn’t expecting to, especially not for this discussion.

“If he ever needed anything, Mystique; it’s you. Not me.” Erik said plainly. That piercing blue eyes popped up at the back of his mind reminding him of all the pain, the fear, and the brokenness. It took more than he thought not to wince at that.

“Oh you think I haven’t tried that? I’ve been with him for the past 3 months, God damn it! Me and Hank. But we can’t reach him. He’s there living and breathing, but he is so damn broken. And you, of all people, should know you’re the only one, if any, who can fix that!” Raven’s voice shook as she shouted at him. Tears ran down her deep blue cheek, barely visible, but Erik is close to her enough to know she’s crying without having to see it.

_This is such a bad idea._

“What happened?” He was surprised at himself asking that.

“His power.. What it can do to others, right now it’s doing to his own mind. Hank said his mind can’t handle what he lose, so he lose control of his power and it’s.. it’s keeping him somewhere in between that day in Cuba and this whole shit that happened in DC. He’s haunting himself with his own pain, Erik… Help him. Help him like he helped you. Please.”

 

And that was how Erik ended up right here. Standing right outside the telepath’s room, the room they once shared when he was living here; and for once in his life, he had no idea what to do next.

“You don’t have to be here, Erik. I’m fine.” Charles’ voice was weak, so weak it was almost like he was merely projecting his though rather than actually saying it out loud.

“Tell Raven and Hank I just need sometime alone, they’ll understand. They don’t have the right to force you to be here.”

Erik almost gave in to that, he almost turn his back and walk away. Maybe Mystique was wrong, he was not what Charles needed. But Charles’ voice was laced with something different when he said the last sentence. It was not the pain or the weakness he felt in the former sentences. It was filled with fear. Of all the time they’ve spent together, even that day in Cuba or in France, Charles never show his fear. He was always so calm and composed. Even when they were fighting on the plane when they last met, he was filled with anger and rage; but still, it was not fear. And that’s what made Erik stayed.

 

When Erik entered the room, Charles didn’t even give him a glance. He just sat there in his wheelchair, looking across the room to the chess set on the coffee table. Even with his hair short and his face shaved, he looked more like a broken doll than the Charles Erik knew. The thought hit him hard as if something has pounded his chest.

“Mystique said you’re not well, Charles.” For the lack of better word, Erik simply stated the obvious.

“She has grown so much, you know, that lovely girl of mine. She’s an adult now. Strong, smart, and everything I could ever be proud of.” Charles’ face lid up with a smile; so loving, so caring, and so proud.

“She is, Charles, she is. But what I wanted to know is about you. You are clearly unwell, and Mystique tried to explain it’s something to do with your mind and all that, but I think it’s better if you explain it yourself.”

“The kids were too worried, that’s all, Erik. They shouldn’t have bothered…” His voice cut off abruptly. His eyes widened as if in shock, his whole body tensed, and his expression filled with fear.

“Charles! Charles!! Can you hear me, Charles!” Erik reached out and practically shook the other man’s shoulders, but it seems he didn’t even notice. Not knowing what to do, Erik lowered himself to the floor right in front of Charles, putting his eyes directly in Charles’ line of sight.

Then as sudden as it came, the scared expression on Charles’ face changed. And while those blue eyes were still widened, he didn’t seem so far away like he was seconds ago anymore.

“It’s ok, Charles. It’s ok. Whatever you see is just in your mind. You’re save now.” Before he knew it, Erik was running his hand over the younger man’s hair slightly, trying to soothe him the best he could. The telepath’s expression was now somewhere between pain and anger, an expression Erik himself knew way too well from all the year he spent hunting down Shaw.

“Would you like to tell me what’s wrong?” Trying his best to keep his voice calm, Erik asked. Mystique said he’s the only one who could help, but he didn’t even have any idea what was wrong.

 

At first Erik thought Charles just needed sometime, or maybe he just didn’t want to talk about it. But the silence stretched between them far beyond comfortable, and he knew something was not right. Then he was reminded of his conversation with Hank earlier when he arrived.

_Be easy with him, ok? His power is dominating him. Sometime so much it’s the only way he can speak._

Erik hesitated. When he decided to put the helmet on, he had his reasons. There are things in his mind Charles wasn’t meant to see. His own problem, his own fear. But looking back at Charles now, so weak, almost helpless, Erik knew he’d do anything to make it go away.

_Don’t do this, Erik. I can’t control it. I’m too dangerous. Don’t let me in your head._ Charles’ voice rushed into his head like a gush of water as soon as Erik too off the helmet. He can feel the panic along with those words, but he chose not to listen to it.

“It seems this is the only way we can talk for now, Charles. So tell me what’s going on.”

_So you’re telling me we need to talk now?! After you have abandoned me again? After you’ve almost killed me with tons of metal? After you’ve tried to kill the only family I have left? Why? So you can just walk right out of my life again? You didn’t even care, Erik! You didn’t care how hard it was getting blocked out from someone you thought was your friend, your family, how painful it was having to feel someone being killed, how I would have felt having everything that meant anything to me taken away from me just like that. And why would you care now?! Just get the fuck out of my house!!!_

A burst of energy that was projected along with the thought was so strong it knocked Erik over, but instead of getting up or even reach for his helmet, all he could think of was what Charles said. He had no idea how much time passed until the hot, searing feeling of Charles’ anger was replaced with something calmer, something rather regretful.

“Erik, are you ok? I’m so sorry… I can’t control my mind. Sometime it enter others’, sometime it just burst, and sometime.. Sometime it hurts people..” His voice shook.

“Just.. Just put your helmet back on, Erik. I don’t know when am I going to lose control again. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“It’s ok, Charles. I’m ok. But.. you said you felt Shaw’s death?!” The word came out more alarmed than he expected it to be, yet Erik didn’t have the heart to care. He picked himself off the floor and walk back to lay his hand on Charles’.

“Shaw’s power was very strong. If I didn’t enter his mind, I may not be able to hold him for that long. And yes, Erik, that meant I felt everything. His anger, his pain, his breath being taken away from him. I even felt the coin.” His head hanged low and his shoulder slumped as he continued to speak. “Forgive me, Erik. I didn’t mean to burst it out on you like that. I know you have no idea about that.”

“I am the one who need to say sorry, Charles. I am so so sorry, Liebling…”

That was all he managed to say before everything went completely black.

 

When he came to his senses, the first thing he felt was the heavy scents of blood that hung in the air. It was as if he could literally smell death. Then He opened his eyes, and a large metal gate was there in front of him. Desperation, confusion, anger all rushed into him; and he knew right away where he was. Where Charles’ mind sent him. He watched as his parents were dragged away, as his arm lifted up to bend the gate, and as the sight of his parents get further and further away until he couldn’t see them any longer.

Erik closed his eyes. If his guess was correct, there will be a lot more memories for him to go through. And at the moment, he didn’t know what he was more afraid of; having to feel it all over again, or having to let Charles feel it all with him.

 

He could feel the energy in those missiles as he tried to control them.

“There are thousands of men on those ships. Good, honest, innocent men! They're just following orders.”

Anger surged up in his mind.

Men just following orders. That’s what killed his mother. That’s what made his childhood a living hell.

 

Then he opened his eyes to see nothing but darkness. The rough surfaces of wood surrounded him gave him a clue of where he was, even though he had no idea he still had this memory in him. The fear of being apart from his parents, the fear of having to hide for what he is, the fear of not knowing how long he had to be there, what he had to do, and who was behind the door. All those fear ran down his spine and he could feel himself shiver physically.

Then came the banging sound from the front door, the screaming of his mother, the pleading sound of the family that gave them place to hide, and the door of the closet swung open.

 

“You took the things that mean the most to me” Something in that voice sounded so loss it took his breath away.

“You abandoned me! You took her away and abandoned me!”

Pain. Fresh, raw pain.

 

“1”

Erik blinked and he was greeted by the sight of a way-too-familiar coin.

“2”

The voice that haunted him all over these years counted.

“3”

His younger self turned to face his mother. He could feel himself shaking with frustration, desperation, and rage.

If only he could force himself to close his eyes..

 

Everything was bright, so bright. He opened his eyes, and this time the sight he saw made his breath hitched.

Those bright, blue eyes stared back at him.

A faint smile on that painful expression made his heart clenched.

“Wait, please. She didn't do this, Erik. You did.”

It was as if his heart was ripped out of his chest. His world torn apart.

He felt himself swallowed down his tears as he forced his expression to stay as stoic as ever.

 

Something wet touched his forehead and brought him back to the reality. Erik didn’t dare opening his eyes. What if this is another memory Charles’ memory dig up from the back of his head?

He couldn’t take any more of that.

All those feelings were just so fresh. So real.

He had seen Charles, lying there on the beach, for over a hundred times in his nightmare since that day. But dreaming was different from going through your memory again. This was so much more painful.

 

I’m sorry.

.

.

I’m sorry.

,

,

I’m so sorry.

,

,

I didn’t mean to.

,

,

,

 

 

“How are you feeling?” A familiar voice woke him up.

“Hank? I’m fine. Where’s Charles.” He answered even before opening his eyes.

“He’s next door. And he asked me to tell you to wear your helmet before going in. Said he didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t really agree with that, but.. just do it for him, ok?” With that, Hank left. And Erik found himself debating on whether he should do what he was told.

 

“Good morning, Charles.” Erik said despite the dark circle under Charles’ eyes being a way too good evidence that he barely got any sleep last night.

“I didn’t mean to, Erik. Forgive me. i.. I can’t stop my mind from digging it all up..” Charles paused a bit, sadness flooded his expression briefly. “I.. What you said.. It.. It hurts to hear you say what you said before, again. It seems my mind is even more uncontrollable with you around, Erik. So please, please just leave. Before I hurt you more than this.”

“And you’re saying that to the guy who took your everything and betrayed you? I told you yesterday, Charles, that I am the one who need to say sorry. To hell, I don’t even expect you to forgive me. Ever. And no, I’m not leaving. I’m not going to let you deal with this alone.”

“Hank’s here. And if you leave, Raven will be here too, I’m sure.”

“I’m no leaving, Charles. And this time I meant it. I’m staying. I’m staying until you want me gone.”

“Really, Erik? Aren’t you going to get up and leave the next time you realized I’m not going to go around killing anyone who get into your way?” As much as Charles might have tried to make himself sounded angry, all Erik could hear was the pain in his voice.

“I have trusted you before, Erik. The first time, you took everything I love and left. The second time you tried to kill my only sister. Even for someone who believes in the goodness of others, do you really believe I can, or I will, trust you?”

“I don’t expect you to trust me, not after all I did. I’m not even expecting you to forgive me here. All I’m trying to do is to make sure you get well, Charles. And maybe.. I wanted you to understand.”

“Understand what? Why you left me? Why you went back on your words and took my sister along with that? Why you left me there on the beach, crippled, not knowing if I am going to make it to the nearest hospital? I don’t even think you have reason for all that!”

 

The telepath must have lost control of his power yet again, for Erik’s sight was starting to blur and his head throbbed so much it felt like it was going to explode. The metal bender had no idea if he could fight Charles’ power, he never needed to try. But for once, he tried his best. There were things the younger man needed to know, things he kept so secretly all these years.

Erik took a deep breath as he did what he could to keep Charles off his mind just enough for him to speak.

 

“I do have my reason, Charles. It’s..” Erik swallowed. He had never talk about this to anyone before, not even Raven. He had promised himself to let it die along with him. He opened his mouth, trying to speak, but no words came out. He couldn’t find just the right words neither did he have the courage to open up the wound and revealed his biggest weakness. So he ended up with one of the hardest decision he had ever made in his life.

“I don’t think I have the words I need to explain it, Charles. But I’m sure I can show you. I’m sure if you get into my mind, you will see what I’m talking about. You’ll understand. And that’s all I can ever ask.” The panic on Charles’ face showed how unexpected he was to hear this from his long lost lover.

“Go ahead. It’s ok. I want you to, Charles.”

His face still looking half-disbelief, but Charles reached his finger to his temple and pushed himself into the older man’s mind.

 

 

_IM SCARED_

_She haven’t done a thing wrong. It was all their false._

_RAGE LOSS ANGER LONESOME_

_They will fear us, and they will kill us._

_Human don’t except change. They are afraid of it, of us._

_You shouldn’t have to hide, ever._

As soon as his mind brushed with Erik’s, all the familiar thought rushed back into him as if they all knew where they belong. It’s been so long since he last did this, and as much as it hurts, Charles had to admit he missed it. He missed being in Erik’s mind. Filled with aggressive and rage, yet the mind was what he has grown accustom of. It became like his second set of conscious, after all those time of always connecting to each other, talking, teasing, merely just sharing feelings, or even lovemaking. Erik’s mind had become Charles’ haven, and he didn’t realize it until now that he was back in it again.

Charles pushed his own feeling deep down, fearing that he may lose control of it and attacked Erik again. Then, he pushed himself further into Erik’s mind. Searching for what the man intended for him to see.Once he found them,though, the thoughts crashed upon him like a broken damn. Overwhelmed him with such intensity that it actually took him quite some time before he could make sense of what he was seeing.

 

The first thing he saw was them talking over a chess match in his room that night before everything went down. Whatever conversation they were having before that ended already, and tension hung thick in the air. Charles knew right away this is right after their conversation about killing Shaw. He knew how it went, the frustration still hung heavy in him for not being able to convince Erik to agree with him. But this time, through Erik’s thought, what he felt was entirely different.

_So pure. So innocent. So hopeful._

Charles had always thought Erik went silent because he was angry, or at the very least annoyed. The last thing he would expect was that the older man actually went silent because he was in awe with Charles’ perspective.

_No, Charles. I wasn’t angry at you, not at all. I was angry at the world for turning me into the monster I am. For all it did to me that made me unable to agree with your views._

The voice in his head took Charles by surprise. He knew Erik know how to project what he wanted to tell him, they have done that all the time they were together. But nobody, no matter how many minds he had been in, had ever projected anything to him while he was actually going through their memories. He never even thought it was possible.

_You, Erik, are always full of surprise._

Charles projected back, more instinctively than intentionally, before shifting his attention back to the memory Erik was showing him again.

_I NEED TO PROTECT HIM._

_I WILL KEEP HIM SAVE._

_I’M NOT GOING TO LET THE WORLD TURN HIM INTO ANYTHING ELSE. NOT THE WAY THEY DID TO ME. NEVER._

_NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES._

The thoughts gripped tight to Charles’ heart as the scene in front of him changed.

 

The scene changed and even though it was exactly the way he remembered, it took a while for Charles to realize what it was due to the fact that he was seeing it from Erik’s point of view.

Everything was stopped and a mixture of pain, fear, rage, and uncertainty filled Erik’s mind. As stoic and fierce as he always seemed, inside he was terrified. He had learned so much, he had achieved so much, yet standing in front of that man, he felt like he was back in the office that day. When he wasn’t strong enough to protect his mom.

_I’m ending it all today._

Though Charles remembered vividly the whole scene, his breath hitched and he still feel betrayed as Erik put the helmet on. The only thing different this time was that Erik’s presence was still there. There was no empty space where his mind had always occupied all the time they have become so close.

_Charles hates violence, can’t let him see this._

_He will hate me if he sees this. I can’t. If I feel it, I’ll give in. I’ll let this monster live._

_He’s going to think I don’t trust him, but I will explain it later. For now, the most important thing is killing this man._

_I’m going to need all my courage for this. CAN’T BE UNCERTAIN._

In side Erik’s mind, there was neither satisfaction nor vengeance. Rather, it was a terrified mine. It wasn’t Erik Lensherr who had made it out of the camp, not the metal bender who was proud of his power; but it was the small Jewish boy trying his best to move the coin to save his mother’s life.

Despite his present in Erik’s mind, Charles could feel the stream of tears making its way down his cheeks.

_I always thought.._

_You always thought I was afraid you will make me stop. I am so sorry, Charles. I knew you were going to think like that, I.. I just didn’t know I won’t have a chance to explain. I was afraid, Charles. Not only of the memories, but of your reaction. I just thought I would buy myself some time before having to realize that I made you hate me. That I drove the only person I came to cared away from me. I just thought.. I just thought you shouldn’t have to feel all my fear, all my rage, to witness my vengeance. I.. I didn’t know you’d feel everything.. from Shaw’s mind._

 

For minutes after that, Erik’s mind was jumbled up. So many memories and feeling shuffled around that each of them ended up being more like pictures to Charles. Random pictures flashing around too fast for Charles to grasp any of their meanings, with pain and loss screaming as the background of it all.

Then Charles heard his own scream, from two different memories, overlapping as the pain became more intense while the series of images slowed down until there was only one memory left.

 

“She didn't do this, Erik. You did.”

His own voice resounded way louder than he must have said it. And even though a part of him knew full well that Erik was nowhere near pleased to see him like that, he was still startled by how deep and real the pain felt in Erik’s mind. He couldn’t remember being in that much pain himself, not even hours after that when they finally got to the hospital and the adrenaline has faded away.

The scene in front of him took a spin, a sign of confusion Charles’ used to when people showed him their mind; but not one he would ever expected from Erik. The metal bender’s mind was always somewhat different. Most of the time it was filled with anger and pain, the only things he was brought up with and led to believe in. But despite all that, his mind was always so amazingly sharp and bright. Metallic. Maybe that’s the best word to describe it. Through years of torment, from the people around him and from his own mind, Erik had learned what it took to survive—hardening his own mind. He had learned from day one that keeping his focus was his only chance of survival.

 

“My friend, I'm sorry. But we do not.”

His own voice cut him back to what was going on in front of him. This time, though, the scene didn’t look the way he remembered it to. The sky that was way too bright back then, are now filled with dark clouds and lightings. The breeze had turned into somewhat of a storm, sending sand up everywhere around them. At first, all he could feel was Erik’s anger. And having assumed that it was toward the fact that Charles didn’t agree with his idea of kill before being killed, he felt his own anger surged up right away. But as he was about to backed out from the older man’s mind, something hit him hard.

A series of feeling so well-concealed he could barely trace it at all. The fear for his beloved for he knew first-handedly how human acted toward those who are different. The pain of being rejected by the closest thing he had left of a family. The anger toward himself for letting things get out of hand, hurting the person he cared most, and failed to be whatever good it was the other man saw in him. And lastly, the resolution to stand against anything and everything, even the telepath himself, just to make sure he was safe.

Right that second, Charles realized what he had been so blinded about all this time.

_You didn’t leave because I want to stop you.._

_No, Charles. No._

_Oh, Erik. I’m so sorry. I never knew.. I never knew.._

“Forgive me, Erik.” The telepath pleaded as guilt filled his mind like hot, burning coals. All these years he resented the older man for abandoning him, but never once did he care to think about the reason behind it.

“It wasn’t your fault, my friend, you did what you thought was right.” As stoic as he always sounded, Erik’s voice shook at the slightest, giving away how the pain those memories brought was still so raw to him.

The younger man inhaled a sharp breath before abruptly pulled himself out of the other’s mind. Erik’s first thought was that he must have said something wrong. He must have triggered Charles’ power again. So he kept his eyes shut tightly as he waited for the attack.

 

 

Minutes passed with nothing but the sound of their breath filled the empty space of the room, then Erik thought he heard a quiet sob. The fear for Charles being in pain overpowered the fear for being attacked himself, the metal bender slowly opened his eyes.

Charles was staring back at him, his eyes red and his lips trembled. Drops of tears lingered at his jaw, with its trails all over his cheeks.

Erik wanted to close his eyes. He hated seeing his beloved in pain, especially one caused by him. But the telepath’s eyes were filled with something that wasn’t there when he walked in to this room the first time in a decade the day before. The pain and fear he saw earlier was still there. But they were now blended with something else.

Something very close to what he saw in those bright blue eyes the first time a decade ago when one crazy stranger saved his life and told him he was not alone. Something very close to what accompanied him through their trip to recruit ‘the others’. Something very close to what soothed him as he shed his tears for a memory he never though he still have.

Something very close to the Charles Xavier he had fell for.

And Erik just couldn’t let himself missed it, not even for a second.

They stayed that way for what seemed like hours for the older man before Charles’ lips curved up a little. Not as wide and bright as it once did, but just enough for Erik to tell that he was smiling. He reached out to gently wipe the tears from the other’s face, letting his hand lingered just a little longer than necessary.

 

_I love you, Liebling._

 

Erik wasn’t good with expressing his feeling. Growing up in the camp taught him how to fuel his rage and display his anger, but not all the other feelings. So he did the only thing he could: projected the feeling directly to Charles.

Red-rimmed eyes widened almost unnaturally as happiness seeped from the telepath’s mind flooded Erik and he knew right then and there.

 

 

For once in his life, Erik Lensherr did the right thing.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first X-men fiction and it's unbeta'd, so forgive me if anything's wrong.  
> And any comments or suggestions are more than welcome!
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you _soniclipstick_ for correcting my German!


End file.
